Month: November 2015

My good friend, Mary Cronin, wrote a letter to the editor about the church fair. In it she wrote, “We need hymns that nurture us and church families that embrace us as we are. We need liturgy that tells a story we can find a space in, not meta-narratives that always exclude someone.” These words have influenced me; specifically when I think of my own relationship with the LGBT community.

I do not think conservative Christians are aware of how deeply they have ostracized the LGBT community from the “Christian meta-narrative”.  We elevate traditional marriage as the highest ideal and define it in ways that the LGBT community simply cannot identify. Furthermore, we idealize marriage; church culture has offered no viable alternative lifestyles for individuals who were excluded for its definition and has no language to talk about any sexualities out of this context. Thus, we marginalize the LGBT community. We actively write them out of the Christian narrative and we apathetically respond(ed) to their protests. This predominant attitude in Conservative circles is wrong and needs to be acknowledged.

To my LGBT friends—I am sorry.

Please, forgive us.

I ask that you hear my apology and yet I am aware that it is insufficient for complete reconciliation. I know this—because although I am deeply repentant of conservative attitudes towards the LGBT community, I still interpret the biblical view of sexuality in ways that liberal interpreters do not accept; in ways that the LGBT community may find difficult. These differences shape my ideal narrative differently from others. We disagree—and that can make reconciliation difficult—but not impossible.  

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People have a tendency to assume complete understanding of another to be synonymous with genuine love. This is why they have difficulty relating to people who are different from themselves, because they do not understand them. But, the reality is that you and I will never completely understand or agree with anybody. Disagreement and, at times, intense conflict is simply an inextricable part of the human experience. In many ways I will not understand or agree with everything my LGBT friends share with me—not just because of their philosophical and theological conclusions—but because they are different people; they are not me.

Nobody intrinsically and completely understands anybody, it takes time and we have to stop using it as the only measure of love. Mutual understanding is a measure of intimacy, but the definition of love is broader. It is not only the foundation of intimacy, but the root of all meaningful interaction.  Therefore, when I relate to another person, specifically one with whom I disagree, I should engage with an active love: a love that wishes to bless my dialogue partner, even in the presence of intense disagreement. This element of relationship is not always easy, but it is the only way people can remain true to their personal convictions and yet exist in relationship amidst plurality. I plead for members of both sides of the argument to embrace such an attitude. We cannot keep seeing one another as obstacles to our own narrations. It is very likely that we may never agree—but regardless, we must use the attitude of love. Besides, it is the only language in which the Gospels were ever written.

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There is so much I wish I could say regarding this issue, but I want to end with a cautious warning to my readers. This concept of engagement is greater than issues of gender and sexuality. The world is becoming more diverse and pluralistic—in this diversity the Church needs individuals who are actively and thoughtfully relating with it.  Whether it be inside or outside of the church, we cannot afford any more insensitive dialogue with those whom we disagree. You are mistaken if you think you there is no relational dimension to philosophical and theological ideas. An insisted preference of ideas over people will create a schism so deep that even a Christian embrace will leave the world untouched. Be motivated by love— this is not the time for clanging cymbals.

Grace is a very Christian word.  It is something that God gives to all of humankind and it can never be earned. It’s like a priceless gift. Grace is a virtue and an act borne of God’s great love for us. It is in his grace that the Son came to earth to become human and die. It is in his grace that the Holy Spirit has been left as our advocate and guide. It is by his unmerited grace that we can be saved and reconciled to him. That reconciliation is something that we are entirely incapable of earning for ourselves. Once we have received grace, Christ does not say this is enough. We are to give this grace to others as freely as God does to us.

The songwriter Matthew Thiessen once penned these lyrics: “…the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.” We hear the second half of that phrase all the time. Life’s not fair. That message comes from all kinds of places; for example, people  talking about a situation in their lives, or perhaps from a cynical person who likes to tell that to those less weathered. Regardless of the source, problems arise when we look at life like this. Everything becomes checks and balances. We keep track of what we do in terms of positive and negative. We evaluate people to see if they are positive or negative contributors to our lives and we make decisions accordingly. When someone hurts us, we tell them that they need to shape up or we cut them out of our lives. When someone is good to us they become closer to us. This is just how things work.

When we look at life like this it’s so easy to do good deeds merely for the sake of besting another person. And when we allow ourselves to embrace this view, we also allow ourselves to be comfortable in self-pity when the world doesn’t work in our favor. These are the problems that come from a purely worldly perspective of unfairness. Quite simply, a worldly perspective  can stunt our growth and our flourishing as human beings and people of God.

Now here is where we add the entire lyric, “the beauty of grace is that is makes life not fair”. Suddenly, the picture of cynicism and self-pity disappears. In its place, we are left with a picture where undeserving people get what they don’t deserve. How does this happen? It’s all because of the grace of God that unfairness can be beautiful. If life was without grace we would all be condemned because there is nothing we can do to attain salvation on our own. It would be fair for us, because of our sins, to be separated from God forever. It would be fair for us when we are struck by someone to reply with a closed fist, but that’s not what God thinks. He chose the unfair route and sent his Son to show us ultimate grace. Once we partake in that grace, the rules all change. Unfair becomes our livelihood and our standard. Just as grace was bestowed on us, we are to bestow it on the others around us, who are as undeserving of it as we are. Grace invites us to think of how our unfair response to somebody can be beautiful. Yes, life is unfair, and thank God for that.