In our society, there are so many opinions, ideas and prototypes thrown at us for what the ideal body looks like. Sure these standards may change every few years or so, from small women to tall men, from skin and bone European models to our cultural fascination with “thicc,”but there is always a standard. With lines of beauty clearly defined by society, there are always many people that do not fit into that mold of “beautiful” or “handsome.”
The people that fall outside these beauty standards feel inward shame, anger, and sadness. These feelings alone are a terrible effect of cultural image standards, but even more disheartening is that some people then form unhealthy eating as a solution. However, this isn’t entirely a matter of choice, as Eastern University’s assistant professor of psychology, Michael Thomas, pointed out in chapel on Monday. Biopsychology has found a genetic leaning that, with excessive pressure to meet a bodily standard, causes people with a certain genetic makeup to resort to disordered eating. Disordered eating is not genetic-based or choice-based alone.
Both women and men, but more often women, will conceptualize what they need to look like to be beautiful. To achieve this, some people undergo large periods of fasting (a day or more), with either large binges of massive calorie consumption or small meals between these fasts. Or they may restrict all their food and calorie consumption. Others may eat vast quantities of food and “purge” it after a meal by vomiting or excessive workouts. Some may feel they are two skinny and desire to be “thicc” so much that they eat to the point of pain and illness at every meal.
More people are affected by this than we think, and definitely more than we can see. So what can people without eating disorders do to help?
Primarily, remember that everyone is different. A key concept I’ve learned from my psychology degree, my Christian faith, and my friends who suffer from eating disorders is to be empathetic. Loving your neighbors and being empathetic towards them doesn’t seem like a breakthrough, but that is where we, as Christians and peers, should always start. We must love our neighbors enough to pay attention to those around us. Notice if someone is rapidly gaining or losing wait, notice if they binge or they go to the bathroom right after most meals (they might be vomiting each time), notice if they are losing vibrancy and energy. Some people you think might have an eating disorder, may not in fact. We make mistakes, but that’s ok because we’re still displaying God’s love by paying attention to our neighbors.
But if we do find a friend is showing signs of disordered eating, what should we do? The worst thing to do, as a friend or peer, is to try to give the person therapy ourselves. Instead, we should start by simply being present and being a friend. Ask someone you noticed displaying disordered eating habits how they are doing, take an interest in their lives, and show that you care about their well-being. Please do not explicitly (and bluntly) ask a person right away if they have an eating disorder. For example, show you care about the person by mentioning you’ve noticed they have lost a lot of weight recently or that they don’t really seem to be eating much at meals and ask them why. Then, both you and the person of a suspected eating disorder, should continue talking and pray God gives you wisdom and direction. You may find out you’re wrong, or you may need to suggest they go to the counselling center if their condition seems dangerous. Another option is to go online to the “counseling services” section of Houghton College’s website and refer someone (or yourself) to take a “free online confidential screening” if they are afraid of gaining weight or are worried about their eating habits. But remember, you cannot force anyone to go to the counseling center, or to take a test.
There are no clear guidelines because every situation is different and people who have disordered eating symptoms are unique in how they deal with them. But I promise, if you approach an individual with a true sense of empathy and compassion for their well-being, you will be heading in the right direction.
