The fall semester is underway, sports teams are hitting their stride, classes are increasing in difficulty and workload, and a whole new batch of freshmen are destined to start dating. Especially at Houghton, freshman dating season is a dangerous time, both to the incoming freshmen and to the rest of us who have to witness relationship after relationship fail. I remember when I arrived my freshman year people told me, “Don’t date freshman year, it won’t last through the next two semesters.” As I watched a flood of couples get into relationships that inevitably ended in ashes, that advice seemed to hold true for many cases. However, I started dating freshman year and I am currently still in that relationship.
Based off this personal experience, I can’t tell first-year students not to date, because in doing so I would be a hypocrite. There are ways to make freshman relationships work. It takes a special kind of individual to engage in a relationship during their freshman year, and there is a level of understanding and commitment required for two individuals who start dating freshman year to work out.
Maturity is the key to making things work and being respectful to others. The maturity that prepares some freshmen to create relationships that can last is built on experiences. It takes communication, thoughtfulness, respect, and space in order to make sure that a new relationship is healthy for the couple involved and those around them.
At a Christian college, it can be easy to think that being surrounded by Christians means that God’s match for you must be on campus. This is false for the most part, as many who start dating freshman year come to realize. However, contrary to common non-freshman belief, it is not an absolute falsehood. To sophomores, juniors, and seniors, the prospect of anyone dating during their first year is abominable. We are blind to the possibility that some first-year students are mature enough to start dating when they get here.
It is true that on average, most freshman couples will break up by the end of their first year, but there are plenty of non-freshman couples who break up in the same amount of time. I think it is our own superiority complex that causes us to look down on freshman couples. We have a tendency to make fun of the new kids regardless of what they do. To an extent, it seems that freshmen have to earn the love and acceptance of upperclassmen. Only then can they start dating without their relationship being judged as doomed to fail.
I do think that as a general rule, freshmen should shy away from dating right away. Dating is a time commitment, one that is a huge undertaking especially during the first year of college. However, upperclassmen should not feel entitled to judge freshmen for dating. The truth is that we don’t know who will be right for each other. Someone being a first-year does not necessarily mean that they are less mature than upperclassmen a few years older than them.
Devin is a sophomore double majoring in English and writing.