As a Christian, one of my core beliefs is that we should love our neighbors. I work hard to support the people around me, but I’m not always successful. I fail pretty often, actually. Sometimes I feel guilty because I think I should be better at loving my neighbors. Sometimes I feel downright selfish when I avoid people by shutting my door and not coming out for the rest of the night.
But as an introvert, I know I need time to recharge, to sit and watch a movie or do homework without other people needing my attention. It’s completely reasonable to need some alone time, even if it means not investing in other people for those hours. I’m investing in myself. If I didn’t take that time, I’d burn out in a week. All of this may sound obvious to you, but it took me a long time to recognize that introvert time for what it was: self-care.
The more people I meet, the more I notice that I’m not alone. So many Christians are terrible at taking time for themselves. If someone in the community needs a casserole or wants company because they’re in the hospital, the church will immediately encourage their congregants to reach out to them. But why doesn’t the church also encourage people to take personal time? The Bible talks about loving and caring for others, and the church is happy to emphasize that. The church doesn’t spend anywhere near the same amount of time talking about Sabbath and rest.
I’m not saying that casseroles and visiting sick people is bad; I think this is one of the best parts of living in community. Some people need a lot of love and support, and it is a beautiful thing when the church comes together to provide that care. But love and support come at a personal cost. We can’t keep pouring into hurting and needy people without getting anything back and expect that to be a sustainable lifestyle.
Why are so many Christians terrible at self-care? It’s because we are so worried about being selfish. We are told over and over to put others first, and we start to think that any kind of self-care is inappropriate. We look at self-love as an inherently selfish and dangerous idea, but I think that’s total bullshit. Of course self-care can be taken too far and become selfish. Of course we should be generous and mindful of the people around us—but that doesn’t mean we should neglect our own needs.
Ed Sheeran’s song “Save Myself” is a prime example. Sheeran talks about giving of himself for others, only to be completely drained and numb inside. He then realizes, “Before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myself.” His statement has the important word “before” in it; Sheeran doesn’t say “Instead of saving someone else, I’ll save myself.” He’s simply recognizing the proper order of events. We can’t properly love and care for others if we are drained and empty. By taking care of ourselves, we are able to help more people. If Ed Sheeran isn’t convincing enough, the Bible has similar words: “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” (Mark 13:31) You’ve heard the words a hundred times, but how many times have you thought about this as a two-part idea? Love others as you love yourself. Self-care is implied; it’s not an option, it’s not selfish, and it’s certainly not wrong.
I think it all comes down to balance. Without self-care, we cannot properly love others, but if we don’t love other people, we miss out on the beauty of community. We are not called to be perfect people. We are not called to waste away helping others. But we are called to love, and this means learning the balance between caring for ourselves and caring for the people and community around us.
Gena is a junior majoring in English and adolescent education.