As we head into February break, returning home to visit family and friends, it won’t be long before each of us hear that dreaded question. It comes in many forms, from a family member or an old high-school buddy, and it’s usually one of the first things they ask. “So, are you dating anyone at that school of yours?”
It’s interesting that this question is sometimes higher in priority than things like “What do you want to do after graduation?” and “How was your last semester?” It seems to matter so much whether or not someone is in a relationship. For me, fortunately, the answer is yes, and then we can move on with the conversation, but for many the answer is not so simple. My friend Brenna has spent countless Christmas parties and family vacations explaining her continuing singlehood to relatives, and whenever I see her she expresses that she’s quite sick of it. This focus on relationship status can be a source of constant anxiety for some and an idol to others. Not only is this uncomfortable, it’s really not the most important question. There’s a topic missing from the set that shapes the worldview, values, and entire personality of each one of us. Why do we never ask “What are your friends like?”
However wholesome and fulfilling a romantic relationship could be, it is not and cannot be the only relationship you have. Our friendships have at least as great an impact on who we become, and they can bring us just as much joy and sorrow. Society seems to place such a high value on romantic relationships, and this is never more apparent than on the holiday which occurred just about a week ago, Valentine’s Day.
The stores and commercials go crazy over love, with neon pink hearts crowding the shelves as early as mid-January. But romantic love is far from the most important form, and Valentine’s Day can bring up all sorts of negative feelings. People in relationships can feel pressured to express their love in unrealistic ways, and single people can feel lonely, neglected, and unloveable. Because romantic love is so emphasized, friends are viewed as poor substitutes for a romantic partner. In the wise words of Joe Miner on his YouTube channel, Cuppa Joe, “We don’t get enough opportunities to just celebrate our friends.”
I personally feel that any relationship, whether professional, romantic, or familial, is stronger when based in a deep friendship. Friends can impact our morals, our political views, and our mental health, and can change who we are at the core. This is something we often forget, especially as we grow older and our focus shifts toward our future and who we will be spending it with. But we don’t spend the future with just one person. Yes, as we graduate and move to all corners of the earth to do good work, we will make more friends who play important roles in our lives, and the best friend we make will hopefully be the person we marry. That doesn’t mean that the friends we have now will fade from our lives, nor should they. All relationships take work, including friendships, but they are worth equal effort and should receive an equal amount of acknowledgement as romantic relationships.
Sydney is a sophomore majoring in Spanish and intercultural studies.