My Experience: Asexuality and Coming Out in a Christian Environment

By Sarah Evans ’22

Asexuality Awareness Week is October 25th-31st so I thought I would share a bit about myself. I identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community even though, in the broad sense of the word, I am still “straight.” I identify as heteroromantic demisexual, but most of the time I just say that I am ace.

To explain these labels I am going to explain a bit about what asexuality is. Someone who identifies as asexual (ace) is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is a spectrum that spans from those who experience some sexual attraction but very rarely (greysexual) to those who experience sexual attraction only once they have a strong emotional connection with another person (demisexual) to those who never experience sexual attraction. Also within the ace spectrum people can be anywhere from sex-repulsed to sex-positive (this refers to the way we perceive the thought of sex in general, not sexual attraction). Within the ace community some might also label their romantic attraction, which I do. Romantic attraction labels are diverse like sexual attraction labels and can be anywhere from heteroromantic, biromantic, aromantic, and more. Now that we have explored and defined the different aspects of asexuality, I would like to talk about my own experience with being ace.

I grew up in an environment that most would say was sheltered. I was a homeschooled pastor’s kid. I was told all my life that sex should be saved for marriage, but I never understood what was so exiting about sex. I have never really had my internet usage restricted, so I could have looked up things I should not have, but I was never interested in doing that. I never had that sex-crazed puberty that it seems most people do, and I have also struggled to understand what it means when someone was described as being “hot” or “sexy” because those words mean nothing to me. I describe people as cute or attractive because I appreciate their aesthetics, but I am not sexually attracted to them. This experience of not having sexual attraction is confusing when our culture seems to focus so much on sexualizing everything.

I have spent a lot of time reflecting on and researching asexuality to make sure I understand myself enough to be confident with the labels I use. I did not realize that I was asexual until this semester which has been an interesting experience for sure.

But since I realized that I was ace I have been passionate about educating myself and others on what asexuality is. I have talked to friends and some of my professors about asexuality and I have received mixed reactions. My friends who already knew about asexuality would usually accept it right away and tell me that I am valid, but those who did not know anything about it would usually say it was “normal.” I think the most common response I have gotten is, “it’s normal to need time, you just haven’t found the right person yet.” That is not how it works though. While I would say needing time is true about finding a trusting relationship, some people will never have sexual attraction to anyone no matter how much time they have. Being ace is not a choice. Another reaction that I have gotten is that I am “just being abstinent” and, while that might be a personal choice I have made, that does not make me ace.

I would like to encourage everyone to intentionally learn more about the LGBTQ+ community and its diverse aspects. The community is bigger than it might seem.