By Joshua Carpenter ('24)
People used to say that the android could never equal that of the human. But no more.
With the release of the Welker Corporation’s latest series of Homo-replicants—the Deus-9s—the United World Government has granted citizenship to all 9s under the condition that they contribute to the World Relief Effort for the duration of their five-year lifespan.
As the mastermind behind the Deus code and former alumni of Houghton University, Christian Welker defends his latest creation.
“Unlike their belligerent predecessors,” Welker says, “the 9s are programmed to love, not hate. They are not the Deus-8 war machines that invaded Zanzibar, or the Deus-7 nuclear reactors that took half of the U.S western coast off the map.
The Welker Corporation has since apologized for their destructive past, and have devoted their latest series to rebuilding the earth they assisted in destroying during the Corporate Wars of the 3rd millennium—to much success.
Millions of mass produced 9s are employed at various organizations around the world, with the U.S accounting for 34% of 9s in residence; in second place is China with 29%; and then in third Russia with 26%. In the state of New York alone resides the majority of 9s in the U.S, a remarkable 1:1 per capita that sociologists project will double by the end of the next decade as ties between the U.S and the Welker Corporation tighten.
German sociologist Hanz Schneider is known for his relentless criticism of the U.S-Welker relationship. In his notorious essay “The War for Humanity,” he argues for the annihilation of all 9s as their predecessors were annihilated before them, and for The Welker Corporation to dissolve itself and donate its assets to the World Relief Effort.
“[The Deus-9s] are all goblins posing as humans with a soul,” Schneider writes. “Is humanity so careless to ignore its own history, that dark hole we all call the 3rd millennium?”
At first most of the world agreed with Schneider’s criticism, but after homes and schools re-emerged from the rumble of a bygone era, few remembered his words, and even fewer remembered the 3rd millennium. Now 9s are everywhere—in our cities, schools, and, for some of us, even in our own homes. Life is thriving, with scholars and government officials alike crediting the 9s for their service to humanity. ★
