Monday

March 31, 2025 Vol 121

Disastrous Dragons (April Fools 2025)

by Jiana Martin '26

Houghton University’s (HU) new Dragon Training Program will be officially available to students after its grand opening ceremony tomorrow at 1 p.m. A lot of planning has gone into the long-awaited event which will celebrate this new chapter of HU’s story.

After the end of the Dragon Invasion of 1344, Houghton. N.Y. and the surrounding areas were left picking up the pieces of the destruction that the dragons brought with them. While dragons have been present in other parts of the world, two years ago marked the first sighting of European dragons in Western New York. 

“I remember vividly seeing a flock of about twenty monster-sized birds flying overhead as I was gardening one day,” said local community member, Pip Larson. “At first I didn’t know what I was looking at. But then I couldn’t believe my eyes, they were actual dragons!” he added.

No one knows why some dragons migrated over to this area, but after the first recorded account, more reports came flooding in. Flying and non-flying dragons were spotted in the Houghton Trails forests, around Rushford Lake and Moss Lake. In the beginning, they kept to themselves; however, they quickly became a nuisance to the local communities as they were attacking livestock and destroying properties. 

HU’s Equestrian Center was among one of the main locations targeted by the dragons. Sadly, this left the university with not enough horses to continue their Equestrian Program. Despite all of the efforts of the university to protect their equine friends, all but one lone pony survived the attacks unharmed. While Rowan’s round figure and bright red coat made her a prime target, her tiny stature and quick little legs seemed to aid her evasion of the large reptiles.  

“We are devastated about our losses,” said Professor Elvina Goodman, “But we are elated that our little Rowan survived. She is a prime model of this school’s fearless perseverance!” 

It took about a year to get the dragon invasion under control. Dragon experts and specialists were called in to help manage the situation. When the situation finally calmed down, the university was faced with a decision to either restart and rebuild the Equestrian Program or start a new one. The school board decided to take a chance with a new program. With the help of one of the most prominent dragon trainers, Alabaster Frost, the wild dragons of Houghton were caught and tamed.

Frost commented, “I’m honored to have been asked to help with the new program. I’ve been involved with other training programs around the world, so I’m excited to bring my knowledge to the table. Dragons have been around for ages and it’s about time people in this area have a chance to get to know these amazing creatures in a safe environment.” 

Frost’s gentle but effective training approach has made the Houghton dragons friendly and suitable companions for students.

To accommodate the new occupants of the former equestrian center, the barns and arenas underwent extensive renovations and updates. Only the foundations of the buildings were left from the invasion, which allowed a lot of freedom for designs. The new facilities can house up to thirty dragons. There are still two indoor arenas and two outdoor arenas, but they have been modified in size. The cross-country course has been converted into a racing track for dragon races and an overhead obstacle course was added for the flying dragons.

Ryker Flint, a current junior, said, “The new facilities are amazing. I am super excited to start riding and training. Dragons have always fascinated me, so it will be a great opportunity to get hands-on experience and learn more about them.”

With the new program, the university now offers degrees in two majors, Dragon Management and Dragon Training, which can also be taken as minors.

Although the overall reception of the new program has been positive, some people, such as Senior Delilah Jackson, have not been as happy with the decision. Jackson is worried about the dangers the dragons pose to the faculty, staff and students. 

“Frost is a great trainer and all of the students, including myself, have enjoyed learning from him. However, it’s only been a year since the dragons were attacking us. What’s stopping them from reverting back to their wild instincts and attacking us again?” Jackson said.

Despite the scattering of concerns, President Kirigan Thornehall anticipated the opening ceremony would bring in a large gathering. He was excited to see how the program develops and grows. 

“Houghton University and its communities have been through a lot these past couple of years. We overcame one of the hardest times in our history and turned an unpleasant, sad situation into something positive,” Thornehall said. “Dragons are a welcomed addition to—”

Unfortunately, Thornehall could give no more comments as he was snatched up by a winged dragon mid-interview. HU and the local community mourns this loss, but will be celebrating the life and legacy of President Thornehall at the opening ceremony. The institution decided to proceed with the Dragon Training Program and dedicate it to President Thornehall, as it was one of his passion projects that he deeply believed in. ★

Houghton STAR

The student newspaper of Houghton University since 1909.

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