Author: Sydney Jameson

As we head into February break, returning home to visit family and friends, it won’t be long before each of us hear that dreaded question. It comes in many forms, from a family member or an old high-school buddy, and it’s usually one of the first things they ask. “So, are you dating anyone at that school of yours?”

It’s interesting that this question is sometimes higher in priority than things like “What do you want to do after graduation?” and “How was your last semester?” It seems to matter so much whether or not someone is in a relationship. For me, fortunately, the answer is yes, and then we can move on with the conversation, but for many the answer is not so simple. My friend Brenna has spent countless Christmas parties and family vacations explaining her continuing singlehood to relatives, and whenever I see her she expresses that she’s quite sick of it. This focus on relationship status can be a source of constant anxiety for some and an idol to others. Not only is this uncomfortable, it’s really not the most important question. There’s a topic missing from the set that shapes the worldview, values, and entire personality of each one of us. Why do we never ask “What are your friends like?”

However wholesome and fulfilling a romantic relationship could be, it is not and cannot be the only relationship you have. Our friendships have at least as great an impact on who we become, and they can bring us just as much joy and sorrow. Society seems to place such a high value on romantic relationships, and this is never more apparent than on the holiday which occurred just about a week ago, Valentine’s Day.

The stores and commercials go crazy over love, with neon pink hearts crowding the shelves as early as mid-January. But romantic love is far from the most important form, and Valentine’s Day can bring up all sorts of negative feelings. People in relationships can feel pressured to express their love in unrealistic ways, and single people can feel lonely, neglected, and unloveable. Because romantic love is so emphasized, friends are viewed as poor substitutes for a romantic partner. In the wise words of Joe Miner on his YouTube channel, Cuppa Joe, “We don’t get enough opportunities to just celebrate our friends.”

I personally feel that any relationship, whether professional, romantic, or familial, is stronger when based in a deep friendship. Friends can impact our morals, our political views, and our mental health, and can change who we are at the core. This is something we often forget, especially as we grow older and our focus shifts toward our future and who we will be spending it with. But we don’t spend the future with just one person. Yes, as we graduate and move to all corners of the earth to do good work, we will make more friends who play important roles in our lives, and the best friend we make will hopefully be the person we marry. That doesn’t mean that the friends we have now will fade from our lives, nor should they. All relationships take work, including friendships, but they are worth equal effort and should receive an equal amount of acknowledgement as romantic relationships.

Sydney is a sophomore majoring in Spanish and intercultural studies.

These days, it seems like every major news or media outlet is trying to paint the world in black and white. It feels like any issue, no matter how complex or multifaceted, can be reduced to a two sided, liberal versus conservative debate. This kind of media has influenced our politics and even the way we hold discussions. With the way we talk about anything, it seems like we are desperate to put people into boxes. The moment someone mentions they’re pro-life, we automatically assume that they’re Republican, conservative, and don’t believe in climate change. I have no idea how we got from abortion to the environment, but it happens all the time.

We live in an age of associations, where it is easy to reduce people down to a stereotype. Instead of trying to listen to and understand others as complex people, we jump to conclusions and simplify them so that we don’t have to put in the effort of understanding. Dean Jordan described this idea in chapel recently. He said that when we refuse to listen to what others are actually saying to us and instead focus on what we think they should be saying, we’re essentially saying, “Back in the box, I don’t care.” We are so quick to classify people as conservative rednecks or liberal snowflakes. What about the conservative snowflakes or the liberal rednecks? Better yet, why is it a dichotomy? Who says there can’t be liberal hail, sleet, and freezing rain as well as snowflakes?

I think what this tendency really reflects is our exhaustion. We know that issues are so complex and it’s nearly impossible to understand everything about them. Because we have so much access to social media, we are flooded with information every time a new problem arises, which is about every 30 seconds. It would take so much effort, mentally and emotionally, for us to understand and be empathetic to all sides of any issue we encounter. It is much easier to just put things in black and white. Listening to those who disagree with us is really difficult, especially when we feel strongly about something, but it is possible. The most trying part of this process occurs when we feel threatened by another person’s view. There are some issues on which we believe the stance we have chosen is the right one, and others who feel differently are uneducated or just plain wrong. Sometimes, people really are uneducated. That doesn’t mean we can condescend to them and make them feel stupid. Instead, we can listen to their views, even if some of their facts aren’t quite straight, because they are still an intelligent, thinking human being with reasons for believing what they do. Sometimes we feel like people are just plain wrong. That doesn’t mean we have to correct them right then and there. There’s even the possibility that we ourselves are wrong or can learn something.

It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong when we’re having conversation, it’s whether we value the thoughts and opinions of the human sitting across from us. We are not in the middle of a competition over whose political views constitute absolute truth, we are living in a community with other living, thinking human beings who deserve to be loved and understood. Empathy hurts, and understanding is exhausting. But it is a measure of how much we value each other that we give empathy, understanding, and love anyway.

Sydney is a sophomore majoring in Spanish and intercultural studies.