On Saturday I posted a Facebook status containing a mini-essay I’d found online comparing the victim-blaming attitude toward rape with getting your Rolex stolen and having the police ask, “Is it possible you wanted to be mugged?” Moments after, a friend of mine shared the status. A friend of hers posted a comment. His first line? “I get tired of women and this rape issue.”
To the gentleman who posted that comment, I will make a valiant effort to ignore the inappropriate and offensive nature of your statement, and operate under the assumption that you are simply confused and ignorant. I address the following to you, in an effort to help you and others like you understand the injustices that fuel those women who make you “tired.”
In Canada in 2011, a policeman suggested that to prevent rape, women should “avoid dressing like sluts.” What resulted was the first ever SlutWalk. Women (and men) congregated in the streets of Toronto in various states of undress to protest rape and victim-blaming.
In the Christian community, modesty is an issue of respect and accountability. Purity is an important aspect of our faith. We don’t want to make it difficult for one another. However, if a man or woman is not dressing modestly, must they then expect to be raped? Personal preference should not dictate how one human being treats another, and, in fact, it doesn’t. Rape is more often a crime inspired by power than lust. Any kind of person can be and has been raped: senior citizens, prostitutes, handicapped, men, children, women wearing old, baggy sweaters. There are no exceptions and therefore no excuses for committing the act. Blaming a woman for her choice of wardrobe is both discriminatory and irrelevant.
This attitude of blaming the victim is present in more ways than one when it comes to rape. A few weeks ago, two high school footballers in Ohio were charged with the rape of a 16 year old girl. The evidence included a full video of the event that had been posted to YouTube, and photographs circulated on Instagram of the two boys carrying the nude and unconscious girl. Despite this, the defense lawyer insisted that the girl be referred to as the “accuser” rather than the victim. This label calls to attention issues of communication, and in this area as well, victims of rape are often discredited.
My step-mother was asleep in her own home when she was attacked. A knife was held to her neck and she was told that if she woke her children, they would be harmed. And yet these were the questions she dealt with from the police: Why did you leave the door unlocked? Did you tell him you didn’t want him? To me, these questions reveal a dangerous attitude toward the concepts of resistance and consent. This man broke into her home and threatened the lives of her children. How necessary was it, really, for her to inform him that, no, she would not like to have sex with him?
Rape outdoors is extremely rare; in fact, most rapes take place in the home of the victim or perpetrator. In 75% of all rapes, the perpetrator is known to the victim. So in almost every rape, the victim is in a safe place, with a person they feel comfortable around, or both. They are not expecting an assault, and when it happens they are shocked, confused, and scared. Admittedly it is important for the perpetrator to know whether his or her advances are welcome, but in extreme cases, the emphasis placed on resistance in order to obtain a conviction is unacceptable.
On top of these injustices, there is a general cultural dismissiveness toward rape. Prevention responsibility is put entirely on potential victims. Don’t wear this, don’t do that. Where is the advice, Do not rape? How is any victim supposed to muster the courage to report rape if they feel responsible? Three of my close friends have been raped, and not one of them has reported it. Two of them were under similar circumstances; they were unconscious, in their own rooms and of their own accord from either medicine or alcohol. They woke after the act had been completed by an acquaintance that had snuck in. United States Federal law defines rape as engaging in a sexual act by using force, causing harm, threatening, rendering unconscious or drugging. Which of these categories do these girls fit into? What skepticism would they encounter if they dared bring their stories to the police?
The gentleman on Facebook also expressed frustration with female-centered rape protest, pointing out that men also experience rape, and complaining that women seem to view all men as potential rapists. On the first count he is entirely right. According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN), 2.78 million American men have experienced rape, and their situations are also an example of the need for improvement in the way we handle rape. Rape of men is classified as “sexual assault” rather than rape. This, perhaps even more than discriminating legislation against women, reveals the chauvinistic nature of the judicial system. Men are told, “You’re a man. You weren’t raped, you were assaulted.” This refusal to acknowledge what happened belittles the event and stunts healing. Men should not feel marginalized or frustrated by the female campaign against rape. They should join in wholeheartedly.
About 207,754 rapes occur annually. RAINN states that 59% of rapes are never reported. This means that the men and women in SlutWalk and in courtrooms are but a tiny percentage of those affected by rape. It means that whether or not you have experienced rape, one or more people you know likely have. Victims live their lives 6 times more prone to PTSD and 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide. And out of every 100 rapes that occur, only 3 perpetrators will spend even a day in prison.
This is not an issue to grow tired of. This is an ongoing abomination, a disgrace, and a call to arms.