gay – Houghton STAR

I am what some would call “ex-gay”. Let me explain.

Since late middle school, I have almost exclusively been attracted to men, both physically and visually – sometimes emotionally, too. I remember finding girls and women physically attractive for a year or two before this, but seventh grade is about the time I became addicted to pornography, and my view of men and women quickly became distorted. I’ve lost most battles against the temptation of pornography since. Each time, I fell for the temptation to sexualize images of men. It has always been tempting to define myself as “gay” or “homosexual”, but I never actually have. Inwardly, though, I have questioned my sexuality many times. It is only within the past two years that, with the help of counseling, accountability, support, and Christ’s redemptive power, I have begun healing. And as I recover from a porn addiction, my sexuality has been healing, too.

Do understand: my story is mine alone, and cannot be used as an exemplar of “the gay story”, if one even exists. Nevertheless, I think my story is an important one, as I can honestly say that I have walked, am walking, and will continue to walk away from any thoughts and behavior that could be categorized as “homosexual”. Also, I believe a lot of the things that I have learned along the way are worth sharing.

I have always believed that homosexual behavior – in this case defined as sexual acts between two people of the same sex, and any physical or emotional intimacy that accompanies it – is defined by Scripture as sinful. However, for many years, this left me in a somewhat hopeless state. I did not remember ever choosing homosexuality, so I did not see how I could ever choose to give it up. And I never found myself lusting after women, like the guys around me did, so how could I even begin a serious relationship with a woman? I was surprised to find that the Bible’s most applicable response to this question is found in Paul’s exhortation in 1 Corinthians 7, verse 2: “…because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” Scripture’s advice to me became clear: If I find myself tempted to be overtly sexual in any way, I ought to take seriously the recommendation to marry a woman.

At face value, this seems ridiculous. If that’s what you’re thinking, I’m not surprised. Our culture propagates the idea that we are born into one unchangeable sexuality, and most of us in the Church have fallen for it. I am living proof, though, that this is untrue. While homosexuality was never a conscious choice I made, I was not born into it, either. From the beginning, my story shows that sexuality is determined by sexual behavior (physical and mental), not the other way around. I know that most of my natural desire, the things I think will make me happy, are actually unhealthy. When I study lists of sins in the Bible, I find that this is the point of all God’s commands: He knows what is good for us and what isn’t; we think we know, but are usually wrong.

Over time, God has helped me to appreciate Biblical marriage as the important and graceful gift it is. The New Testament makes it clear that the reason God gave us marriage in the first place is so that it could model the Gospel. Husbands have the opportunity to live out a beautiful picture of Christ as they die to themselves and take responsibility for leading their wives and families. Wives can live out a wonderful picture of the Church by showing love and respect to their husbands. This relationship can model this aspect of the Gospel like no other human relationship can. Of course, this is one of many mysteries of our faith that I am just beginning to learn.

Many will tell you that attractions are nigh-impossible to change. Addictions, too. I would say the same. But I know that with God, all things are possible. For this reason I hold to Romans 12:1-2. “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” In the face of a porn addiction and difficult-to-change attractions, this is my hope. If you find yourself in a similar place, may this be your hope, too.

The words “homosexual behavior” need to be taken out of the Community Covenant. Placing “homosexual behavior” within this context equates it to premarital sex and adultery. It is a vague statement which singles out lesbian, gay, bisexual, and questioning (LGBQ) students.

Houghton College’s Statement of Community Responsibilities reads: “We believe that Scripture clearly prohibits certain acts, including drinking beverage alcohol to excess, stealing, speaking or writing profanely or slanderously, acting dishonestly, cheating, engaging in occult practice, and engaging in sexual relations outside the bonds of a Biblical understanding of marriage, including premarital sex, adultery and homosexual behavior” (emphasis added).

Equating “homosexual behavior” with premarital sex and adultery hyper-sexualizes LGBQ students’ lives. Recent Graduate, Wynn Horton, said, “By condemning homosexual behavior alongside these others we denigrate it in certain ways,” pointing out that it makes it sound only lustful and foolish. Premarital sex and adultery are both explicitly sexual acts, but “homosexual behavior” is not exclusively about sex. There is much more to a “behavior” than sex.

There are straight students kissing, holding hands, and snuggling around campus. Whether these public displays of affection are desirable is besides the point. The point is they are happening and no “rules” are broken. What does this mean for LGBQ students? The vagueness of this brings many questions. What does “homosexual behavior” mean? What about two men dating on campus, a lesbian student with an off campus fiancée, or, perhaps in the future, a married lesbian or gay couple enrolled on campus? Additionally, how will lesbian or gay alumni couples feel about returning for homecoming and reunions? In an attempt to answer some of these questions, Michael Jordan, dean of the chapel, said, “I want to be clear that the Community Covenant by itself does not restrict LGBQ dating behavior that is not explicitly sexual.” The issue, however, is that the language of the Community Covenant does not adequately communicate this and so these questions still raise doubts in the minds of LGBQ students.

The college’s Same-Sex Attraction: Our Community Voice document outlines community beliefs, acknowledges differing views, and says how people should be treated. It states “… we ask for [LGBQ] students to respect our perspective for the sake of our communal life together. This would mean being especially sensitive to public displays of affection.” While this document is progress, this passage further perpetuates the view that LGBQ students must hide in the “closet,” while their straight peers do not.

While the intention may not be to single out LGBQ students, it nonetheless does. By saying “homosexual behavior” and not mentioning heterosexual “behaviors,” the Community Covenant alienates LGBQ students from their peers. Jordan pointed out, “Statements about celibacy and chastity are of course problematic for all 18- to 22-year-olds, no matter their sexual orientation.” Yes, this is true, if the statement were about only chastity or celibacy. However, within their context, these two documents seem to be prohibiting more than just sexual relations, even if that may not be the intent.

The passage in the Community Covenant should be rewritten. Horton said the “passage could easily be rewritten to serve the college’s purpose while maintaining its loyalty to a Christian heritage.” He suggests changing the last part to “‘…and engaging in sexual relations outside of the bonds of marriage.’” This simpler, condensed version still maintains the essential meaning, but does not single anyone out.

According to Kim Cockle, student life administrative assistant, to make such change to the

Community Covenant, requires it to be brought to the Student Life Council as a policy change, then taken to the faculty, and ultimately to the Board of Trustees. To stand in solidarity with their LGBQ peers, students should bring this amendment proposition to the Student Life Council, in the form of a petition or in person at a council meeting. It would still condemn illicit sexual relations for Houghton Students, but diminish the hyper-sexualization, clear up the vague language surrounding the issue, and improve the climate for LGBQ students on campus.