What is chivalry? Quite the fairy tale-like topic, you may think. Not at all. Chivalry is much more than the romanticized deeds of a prince for a princess, of the likes we see in Disney classics. This tradition has, through the years, remained equally important. It is, in my opinion, a stipulation for all men, or at least those who wish to be one someday, to consider.
To answer this question, I’ll begin by briefly looking to the gifted writers, Sir Thomas Malory and C.S. Lewis, hopefully you’ve at least heard of the latter.
Lewis’ “Necessity of Chivalry” isolates a particular quote within Malory’s “Le Morte d’Aurthur,” written in the late 1400s, as a basis for understanding what this idea of chivalry could actually mean. Malory writes in regards to his character, Sir Lancelot: “Thou wert the meekest man that ever ate in hall among ladies; and thou wert the sternest knight…” For the sake of time, I’ll focus on the first portion, which will give us a firm starting point for explaining chivalry.
Chivalrous men are meek, particularly among ladies. By definition, being meek means to be quiet or gentle natured; synonymous with tame, humble, and submissive. They are not called to be boastful, arrogant, nor demanding of women. Along with humility and submissiveness, I am convinced that sacrifice and service would also follow as a response. These acts of service that I speak about, could be the typical chivalrous deeds of the twenty-first century that may easily come to mind: holding the door for a lady, providing for her, speaking kindly to her or any other similar deed. While these examples are indeed wonderful starts to chivalry, the overall concept of men intentionally placing women above themselves is the significant one that must be observed. Women are to be respected, honored, and loved through all of our actions. Recognizing and aiming for this helps direct one’s actions towards our goal of chivalry.
The difficult part about this in the modern world is the implication that intentional service to women, helping them with various things, by men could be characterized as sexist, which is indeed far from the truth.
Undoubtedly, acts of chivalry can be easily confused for sexism or paternalism, where, at times, similar actions to chivalry can be driven from the idea that men need to help women because of their superiority. It is quite obvious that there are a number of men who would agree with this false need. It is because of this that I will not discount misunderstandings. While one man may walk around the vehicle to open the door for a woman, thinking to himself, “I better help, or else I’m sure she’ll end up hurting my car…or herself,” another man may do the same action while thinking quite differently, “I want to serve this woman, whom deserves all that I can give.” The differences are, of course, the intentions of each man. Performing chivalrous deeds don’t make a man chivalrous; the heart must align with the action (similar to that of 1 Corinthians 13:1.) A chivalrous man would not believe that he is superior to a woman, as it would directly conflict with our starting point of meekness,which, again, is synonymous with humility. Over time, I believe that paternalistic men (like the man in the first example) will have their wrong intentions brought into the light, based off of their other surrounding actions. This is where we can find distinction.
You see, I think of chivalry as a privilege and opportunity for men to be servants to women. Not because women need men (at times, quite the opposite), but because it is an expression of love, real love. After all, are men not called to love their wives in Ephesians?
While this is an assertion to men, it is respectively a call for women to embrace it. Just as a man may show his love through chivalry, a woman may show hers back through accepting it as a gift. Every woman deserves to be treated with love and gentleness by men, without exception. I am confident that through striving for chivalry, this treatment can become a reality. Consider it an honor to be treated with such humility of service, and let the gentle and caring men be so to you, without settling for anything less.
I do not write this in response to any movement of feminism; I write this in the strong belief that there are a great many things that we can learn from our past traditions, even the oldest, most romanticized, and that when applied, gradually, our society can become a better place.
Connor is a senior business major with a minor in communication.