Marraige – Houghton STAR

Last weekend, the Counseling Center hosted a relationship retreat for serious couples interested in “taking their relationship from good to great.” The retreat, which lasted from Friday night through Saturday afternoon, was held at Camp Asbury in Silver Lake, New York.

Kimberly Eclipse, the administrative assistant for the counseling office, stated that the event is annual- this is the 9th year in a row the Counseling Center has hosted the retreat. “It’s a great opportunity, and it was so beautiful.” Eclipse said. “The retreat center was just yards away for the lake. It was like a little getaway.”

According to Eclipse, the relationship retreat is sponsored by an outside organization, Center For Healthy Relationships. The group runs the event, plans the content, and brings in the speakers. The group was founded, Eclipse stated, by a couple who was interested in mentoring young relationships.

Counselor Wendy Baxter stated that the retreat content runs on a two year cycle. Last year’s retreat was focused on helping couples manage conflict. This year, couples focused on healthy communication.

Funding for the organization is provided by a group of anonymous donors, and is awarded by through an application process. According to Counseling Center Director, Bill Burrichter, Houghton has always been a recipient. “We’ve consistently received this grant” he said. “Without it I don’t think we would be able hold the event. The financial help makes it possible.”

“You’re getting lodging, meals, snacks, activities and presentations for the low cost of $25 a couple, thanks to the organization’s funding.” Eclipse added. Each year the retreat’s content is presented by different speakers.

Eclipse also reported the event can host up to sixteen couples. At least one person in each couple is required to be a current or former Houghton student, and this year there were two married couples, four engaged couples, and 12 who are seriously dating. This makeup, according the according to Eclipse, is typical.

“What you are provided with is excellent tools for a long term relationship” stated Eclipse. “If you are casually dating, you probably aren’t planning for a future, and although this retreat could help any couple, it’s designed to help relationships develop a strong permanent foundation so that they can withstand difficult times.”

Alana Paris ‘18 and Hannah Banks ‘17 appreciate that the retreat does not define a “serious relationship” as marriage. Paris commented “I think it’s interesting that they have an opportunity for non- married couples to go, usually relationship retreats only focus on couples who are married.” Banks added her agreement, stating that “it can seem exclusive” when events are limited to couples who are married.

Following the retreat, Eclipse said the Center For Healthy Relationships will send the couples on a follow up date night in December. This year, participating couples will join Burrichter and his wife for dinner at their home, and then travel to Rochester to enjoy A Christmas Carol at the Giva Theatre.

In May, I got married. It was cold, chaotic, and it snowed. It was everything I imagined and more. Months leading up to the ceremony were filled with so many decisions it made my head spin. One of the biggest decisions I had to make, though, was if I wanted to change my last name following the wedding. It was the normal thing to do, so normal I found myself changing my Facebook name and Instagram handle the day after the wedding. That’s just what you do, right?

Photo by: Nate Moore

It should have seemed like a natural thing to do, so I was confused when I found myself struggling to go through with the legal process. It was so permanent. I thought about it for months, and the more I thought about it, I couldn’t make myself go through with the process, at least not at this point in time.

When it comes down to it, people, whether adopting a nickname, naming a child, or taking a spouse’s last name after marriage, should spend more than a moment deciding to make the switch. Names are important and should reflect the unique identity God created in each of us. However, with cultural expectations and unique names encouraged by a ‘hipster’ culture our making names are less meaningful and more practical. Celebrities are calling their children Satchel, Sistine, Sunday, Casper, Apple, Suri, North, Reign, Blue Ivy, and Elula. This speaks volumes about how little we value names, and their potential to foster the identities of future generations.

To me, my name is so much more than letters placed on a legal document. My name is years of family loyalty and memories. My name is, and always has been my identity. My name grew with me, as I shed the formality of Danielle Eaton, and matured into Dani Eaton. To give that up felt like giving up part of myself.

daniquote Names, once a source of identifying profession, have evolved over the years with their importance being overlooked more and more. Names have become more labels and cultures than anything. Think, for example, of the Kardashians. This is a name so many people recognize around the world, but, instead of fostering a unique identity, has fostered a culture around their name, making it a material item. Children born into the Kardashian family will be forced to follow into their footsteps of producing an image and being known for their iconic looks. This is (hopefully) not what people think of when they think of Eaton.

Additionally, today’s society spoon feeds the idea of uniqueness to people, but not the identities that come with a name, and the identity that God wishes us to have. In the Bible it says God knows us by name. In John 10:3 it says, “To him the gatekeeper opens. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.” He calls his sheep by name, not by “the one in the red shirt,” “the unique one that has the cool hobbies,” or even “the one with the purple hair.” If our name was nothing more than letters on paper, then why would God make a point to call us by it?

Right now, I don’t know who Danielle Bullard is. She seems foreign and unfamiliar to me, and maybe in time that will change. I’m sure as Danielle turned into Dani, if Eaton turns into Bullard, my identity will then, once again, change. But that’s okay with me, as God didn’t intend for me to stay one person for the rest of my life. He intended for me to grow, and for my identity to change, as he intends for all of us. Value your name as God values you, and please don’t name your children after fruit.

Dani is a senior majoring in communication and writing