Ring by Spring – Houghton STAR

Love On a Deadline

Jo Borges Edwards '25

The concept of “Ring by Spring” is a cultural phenomenon prevalent in many small Christian colleges, where students feel pressured to get engaged before graduation. While marriage is a beautiful and meaningful commitment, the societal expectation that young adults should rush into lifelong partnerships by their early twenties is concerning. Although this tradition may work for some, delaying marriage could lead to healthier and more stable relationships for most.

Many students at Christian colleges experience an unspoken expectation to find a spouse before graduation, and Houghton is not the exception. This pressure often comes from religious and cultural beliefs that prioritize early marriage as a means of preserving purity and fostering family life. Students may feel that their time in college is their best or only opportunity to meet a compatible Christian partner. Additionally, being surrounded by peers who are getting engaged can create a sense of urgency that leads people to prioritize marriage over other essential aspects of personal development.

However, the pressure of getting engaged within a limited timeframe can lead people to make hasty decisions. Many “Ring by Spring” engagements happen after only a few months of dating, which may not provide enough time to truly understand a partner’s values, communication styles, and long-term goals. Rushing into marriage under these conditions can increase the likelihood of incompatibility and marital struggles down the road.

From a biological perspective, the human brain does not fully develop until around age 25. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and emotional regulation, continues maturing well into a person’s mid-twenties. This means that many college students are still growing emotionally and psychologically, making it harder for them to make fully informed decisions about lifelong commitments. This biological fact affects both parties. Their partner’s brain is still developing; therefore, the person they are marrying now might be completely different in a few years.

Moreover, research in psychology suggests that young adults benefit from exploring their identities, career aspirations, and personal values before settling down. The early twenties are a critical period for self-discovery, and rushing into marriage can sometimes hinder that process. Without a solid sense of self, people may struggle to navigate relationship challenges and personal growth in a healthy way.

Sociological research has also shown that waiting until later in life to marry correlates with lower divorce rates and greater marital satisfaction. According to studies, people who marry after age 25 tend to have more stable relationships than those who marry in their early twenties. This is likely because they have had more time to establish their careers, develop emotional maturity, and understand what they want in a partner.

Additionally, couples who take more time to build their relationships before getting engaged tend to have stronger foundations. Studies suggest that knowing a partner for at least two years before marriage significantly reduces the risk of divorce. This period allows couples to experience different life situations together, resolve conflicts, and truly assess compatibility. Unfortunately, many “Ring by Spring” engagements happen after dating for less than a year, which can leave couples unprepared for the realities of marriage.

Another key factor in delaying marriage is financial stability. Many college students have not yet secured stable jobs or financial independence. Marrying young often means navigating significant financial stress, such as student loans, entry-level salaries, and the costs of setting up a household. These pressures can create tension in a marriage and make it harder for young couples to focus on building a healthy relationship.

Additionally, early marriage can sometimes limit career opportunities, particularly for those, typically women, who may feel pressured to prioritize family over professional aspirations. Establishing a career before marriage can give people greater financial independence and security, ultimately strengthening their future partnerships.

While “Ring by Spring” may work for some couples, it is important to recognize that healthy relationships take time to develop. Young adults should be encouraged to build relationships intentionally instead of rushing into engagement due to societal pressure. This means prioritizing communication, shared values, and long-term compatibility over meeting an arbitrary timeline.

Marriage is a significant commitment that should not be rushed by external pressures. While “Ring by Spring” may seem like a romantic tradition, it can lead to hasty decisions that might not be in the best interest of young couples. Instead of pressuring students to find a spouse before graduation, Christian communities should encourage intentional, thoughtful relationships that prioritize long-term compatibility and personal growth. ★

By Caleb Choate

Tonight, I cut my son’s hair for the first time. At twenty-five, I have never cut anyone’s hair save my own. As I fumble with a pair of dull sheers, slowly hacking away at thin whisps of sun-bleached toddler-mullet, Juliana scrapes bacon fat from a pan into a jar. Lawson watches an old re-run of Little Bear, practicing simple sentences like, “Father Bear is fishing” and “Duck is really loud.” Next month, Juliana and I will celebrate our third wedding anniversary. Last month, we celebrated Lawson’s second birthday.

Our small, young family grows out of a phenomenon found in Christian Liberal Arts institutions known as “ring by spring.” It’s a tradition true to its name: before graduating, many students will get engaged and will marry shortly after commencement. It is a phenomenon familiar to Houghton: many of you will experience this first hand.

A quick Google search of the term “ring by spring” reveals that the tradition is polarizing. Articles (published by college presses at other Christian universities) with titles such as “Rejecting Ring by Spring,” and “Beyond the ‘Ring by Spring’ Culture” rise to the top.

I don’t get the hate.

Heading into our third anniversary, we can happily say that getting married young and starting a family right away is the best thing we have ever done. We feel this way because we recognize marriage isn’t merely a social choice, a “next step” in a relationship, or a contract. Marriage is a vocation.

By “vocation,” I don’t mean marriage is simply a job (though it requires work). I mean it in the religious sense: vocations are lifelong paths to holiness that God calls us to, and these vocations are most perfectly lived out in humble service to others. Vocations, in this sense, have the power to shape our entire perspective: they define who we are, and they inform how we engage with the world around us. Vocations become among the truest ontological realities known to us. They become central to our concept of what it is “to be.”

This is why I think marriage is good for young people: it sets our priorities straight.

Our culture tells young people to live for themselves. The buzzword of our generation is “self-care.” Society would make you believe that you’re failing to live up to your potential if you aren’t chasing a lucrative career, enrolling in graduate school, or traveling abroad. These three things are all good things. But they aren’t everything. They don’t define us. They aren’t “vocational” in the truest sense.

When you get married young and start a family (and yes, I do assume that the call to marriage and the call to raise children according to God’s timeline are divinely inseparable), you quickly realize just how insubstantial other pursuits are. When you become a spouse and a parent, the concern you once had for your well-being shifts, and you find yourself driven to provide for the other. There is sanctifying grace in saying no to myself and yes to my spouse. There is sanctifying grace in the 2:00 A.M. shift of trying (and often failing) to console a wailing newborn.

Thomas Merton has a beautiful quote that captures this reality. He says, “Love seeks one thing only: the good of the one loved. It leaves all the other secondary effects to take care of themselves. Love, therefore, is its own reward.”

If I am a husband and a father, and if what I say about vocation is true, then imagine how I might live my life if at the center of my self-concept is the conviction that I ought to live as a gift for my wife and my son. Imagine how small the sideline desires in one’s life might become when striving to love your family well becomes both the hard-fought struggle and daily reward.

Imagine learning selflessness in your early twenties.

I believe raising Christ-centered families is the antidote to our generation’s self-infatuation. That is why I am a proponent of “ring by spring.” Now, here’s what I am not saying. I’m not saying that everyone ought to get married and marry young. For some, God truly is calling them to singleness. And that, too, is a vocation. As a single person, you are more free and available to be the hands and feet of Christ than I am as a married man. That is a beautiful and powerful thing. For others, the desire to marry young is there, but things just don’t play out that way. Others yet do get married young with the intent to raise children but suffer infertility. God is present and working in the midst of all of these scenarios.

Not everyone is called to marriage. But to those who are, ignore what the world would say about starting a family young. Living your life for your spouse and children is the best thing you could do for yourself. And remember the ending of the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi: “For it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.” ★